You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
