i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
