I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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