I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
