I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
