I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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