the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
