Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
