Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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