I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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