sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
