Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
