I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
