I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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