Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
