how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
