Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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