This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize