i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
