I love black thongs
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
