I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
