"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
