I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
