Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
