Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
