if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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