Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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