It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize