do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
