I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
