hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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