I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
