your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
