So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
