i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
