the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
