Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
