I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
