I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize