I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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