as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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