Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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