her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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