More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
