He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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