I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
