So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
