yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
