matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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