then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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