he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
