She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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