You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
