I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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