Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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