I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
