so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
