what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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