does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Success! We fucked roommates!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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