I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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