I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
