What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
