PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
