end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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