you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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