Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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