I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Drunk is not a location!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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