I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
