So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
