11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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