Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
