she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
