woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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