grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
