i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
