I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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