I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
