Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
