it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
