You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
