It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize