I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
