I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
