after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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