I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
