You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize