i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
