i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
