1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
