Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
