I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
