God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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