The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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