Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
