Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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